Friday, January 25, 2013

Published 12:16 PM by with 0 comment

Talking to Myself Again, Eh?

When you're at the bottom of your emotional well, life looks so grey. The tiny ring of sky at the top of the well is far away. Every once in a while I fall down into sadness like this. Disappointment in myself, disappointment in others, worry about the future, frustration for everything that I'm not accomplishing: it piles on my heart, clouds my head, and I'm grey and want to curl up in a corner.

It's not the end of the world. I try not to exaggerate my hurt. Yet there is hurt, and to deny it is to merely push it off until it gets too big to ignore.

But the radio sends out a song whose chorus speaks directly to where I am.

And my father said,
Don't you worry, don't you worry, child
See, heaven's got a plan for you
Don't you worry, don't you worry now

Then friends begin to send words of encouragement. Words written, words spoken, words across the states. They remind me of what I know to be true. They tell me the truth.

My husband, dealing with his own disappointments, is the one who smiles first and points me back to the light. My daughter snuggles close. We all dance around the house to bagpipe music, celebrating Robert Burn's Day, enjoying delicious tatties and neeps and pretending that the burnt (experimental) Scotch Eggs don't exist.

Remember that voice I talked about earlier? Here's what it said:

You're faltering again.

I know. Typical of me, to fail when things look tough. I thought I was stronger than this.

It's not a matter of being stronger in your own might.

Oh really. Here's my sarcastic face. You're going to talk to me about Grace again, aren't you?

Isn't that what Grace is for? For times like this?

I was doing fine! Everything was okay! Then all this junk came flooding into my life and I got overwhelmed. I'll be better soon.

Do you want to simply feel better? Or do you want to become stronger?

Stronger, DUH.

Then take a good look at what it would mean for Grace to permeate all these areas of your life. 

Grace to others means that you can love them for who they are, not who you expected them to be.

Grace to yourself means that you no longer have to try to be perfect, because your own efforts won't save you, and you can find strength for everything you need by keeping your eyes on Grace Himself. 

Grace for the future means that you don't need to worry about what will come, since you are already cared for much more than you realize. 

It's not as easy as you make it seem. I can't just turn off the doubts in my mind.

No, but you can focus your thoughts on the positive instead of the negative. Like counting your blessings rather than wishing for what you don't have. Aren't you writing down a list of one thousand gifts you are grateful for?

Yeah, but... but...

Everyone gets discouraged occasionally. Everyone will let you down. You will let others down. You will let yourself down. Time to get back up.

Time to get back into Grace.