Secret Messages

Ever since I was very young, in single digits, I have loved codes, messages, secret writing, the like. My friends and I used to write each other notes and full-length letters in scripts only we could interpret. Even in high school I had a group of friends who knew how to write in Elvish. We didn't focus on how super nerdy we were, just how cool it was to be able to write Elvish!

It wasn't just about disguising what you were trying to say. It was also about giving each other secret messages of information and kindness and interest that could be seen only by us invited. Symbols of friendship, a hidden meaning in a hand wave or chalk-written message on the sidewalk... we reveled in the feeling of initiation into knowingness.

And then it wasn't just about speaking with each other. It became about finding secret messages in the world around us. An eagle swooped overhead. What was he saying? A stranger bought a drink at the coffee shop for us: a compassion sign. A child gave us a flower. What did the flower mean? A song with powerful lyrics came on the radio; it helped us see a hard situation with new eyes. We read a Bible verse which brought new understanding to a circumstance. Everything had a hidden meaning. We learned that God speaks in many ways through the created world.

Even as an adult I still do believe that everything can have magic and beauty and blessing, in a grace-filled kind of way. But it is not a dark, intense pressure of trying to dig out what something IS, no, not at all. It is an eyes-open, light-filled acceptance of what comes across our path, knowing that at the foundation of all things is Love. Life is viewed from the heart. The messages that come into our lives to see may not always be pleasant or positive, but if our deepest place is one of security in Love, then the messages we find will only allow ourselves to grow more into the person we are meant to be.

When Mandy at Messy Canvas began writing about Secret Messages, I was captured immediately. She was one of the first to bring me back to this childhood way of excitement over finding out what the universe held for me to discover, what God was whispering into my ear. She writes, "a Secret Message is a reminder of sorts for something you innately know at your core. Like a colorful fortune cracked out of a cookie at just the right time." So I am always on the look-out now for those Secret Messages on this road of Becoming. Sometimes they are in the form of written words, sometimes in the voice of a friend, sometimes in the actions of an unknown person, sometimes in a surprise or a nature experience or a gentle soul-whisper.

What have you seen lately?

What has been speaking to you silently?

What has been speaking to you out loud?

What has the Spirit been speaking to your heart?

What have you been speaking to yourself?

In the words of the amazing Mandy, "May you find {a secret message} that airs out your lungs, melts your heart, and bolsters your soul."

All art pictures in this post created by Mandy Steward

Whether you think that you can or think that you can't -  you're right. ~ Henry Ford


The only impossible journey is the one you never begin. ~ Anthony Robbins


We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit. ~ Aristotle


Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Love doesn't always show up the way you think it should - where you think it must, when you think it could. ~ Radical Creative Sanctuary, Instagram


Being creative, for me, is simply about seeing beauty in the mundane. It's about noticing the sky and listening to the heart beat of our home. Being in the kitchen barefoot - yep, barefoot, because I need to feel the ground. There is no right way for it to look. It's just love and care and devotion to seeing the beauty in our every-day lives. ~ Carrie Anne Moss, Annapurna Living


... I don't know what exactly what thought or series of thoughts were gracing my mind at the time, but I can remember the love and contentment present in my heart. I've realized that I no longer seek to understand life, or people; instead I desire to create meaningful relationship with everyone and everything I come into space with; and I choose wisely, who and what I share space with. It's beautiful... I think the energy of my life is shifting from that of a seeker to one of radical embrace. I recall the snow was falling softly yesterday, and I just remember thinking - this is magic - as I watched it float effortlessly toward the ground. Bless the tiny details and mystical moments in time we are able to hold on to and share. ~ Soulinspired, Lindsay on Instagram

~ Prompt for March 14th: Secret message

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Participating in Write Alm's March prompts, daily words as guides for writing down what is in my head and heart. Entries might be long, might be short, might be posted here on the blog, or shared on my Instagram account. Do join me and others in sharing our thoughts with these prompts! I love seeing what you write. 

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How I'm Reading in 2015

Last year I wanted to read at least one book a week. The titles were documented on another page of my blog. I forgot to write down ANY books I read from about the end of November through December, so although I know I didn't quite get to fifty-two books, I do know that I read a few that didn't get documented because I was so busy, so I probably got close to my goal!

This year I want to read all the books in my home that I haven't read yet. This includes books that were gifts, books that I started but never finished, books that are being lent to me, and books that I bought for myself but never got around to reading yet. There's nothing necessarily wrong with any of these books, and there's a nice variety of genre; they just haven't made it into my queue, until now!

I collected all the books in my house that fit my qualification. I'm sure more will join this stack after I hit the annual spring book sale that happens in St. Louis every year. Heh. Here's the list so far!

1. Civil Disobedience and Other Essays ~ Thoreau

2. The Turn of the Screw ~ James

3. The Four Loves ~ C.S. Lewis

4. Candide ~ Voltaire

5. The Bullfighter Checks Her Make-up ~ Susan Orlean

6. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work ~ John Gottman

7. Gilead ~ Marilynne Robinson

8. Culture Making ~ Crouch

9. The Arabian Nights

10. The Notebooks of Malte Laurids Brigge ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

11. Flower Fables ~ Louisa May Alcott

12. Ella Minnow Pea ~ Mark Dunn

13. My Bondage and My Freedom ~ Frederick Douglass

14. A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man ~ James Joyce

15. Middlemarch (two volumes) ~ Eliot

16. O Pioneers! ~ Willa Cather

17. Forever Music ~ Edith Schaeffer

18. Questioning Evangelism ~ Newman

19. Narcissus and Goldmund ~ Hermann Hesse

20. Silent Spring ~ Rachel Carson

21. Effortless Mastery ~ Kenny Werner

22. 1-2-3 Magic, Effective Discipline for Children 2-12

23. Jayber Crow ~ Wendell Berry

24. The Goldfinch ~ Donna Tartt

25. Only You Can Save Mankind ~ Terry Pratchett

26. The Magician's Book: a Skeptic's Adventures in Narnia ~ Laura Miller

27. L'Abri ~ Edith Schaeffer

28. The Stories: A Journey through Time ~ with W.C. Light

29. Pudd'nhead Wilson ~ Mark Twain

That's only about three books a month. Should be do-able! I read the Pratchett novel yesterday, which was fast and easy. I liked the characters and the descriptions, and the plot was interesting, but I didn't like the style Pratchett wrote in. Sorry, Pratchett fans! It wasn't a bad book, though :-)

I'll be marking off each book as I read it and giving it a rating over on my book page!

What are you reading lately? Got any great recommendations? Do you keep a list of books to read?

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The World in Color

As you might know if we are friends in real life, or if you've been keeping up with my blog for quite a while, I am a synesthete: a person with synesthesia.

The reason I'm writing about this is because I want to continue to spread the word about synesthesia so that people can become more aware of it. Anyone can have it: children, adults, teens, the elderly, anyone. It's something that people are born with; you either have it, or you don't. For some, it doesn't affect their day-to-day existence too much. For others, it has a huge impact on everything they experience.

The technical definition of synesthesia is this: "a neurological phenomenon in which stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway". It is a "union of the senses". Essentially, it is like having an added sense similar to sight, sound, smell, etc.

What it means for me is that all words, letters, days of the week, months of the year, time, some numbers, music, people, places, and names are associated with color. These are automatic, natural associations that I have no control over. Other synesthetes may have different associations, such as experiencing taste when hearing specific words. There are many forms of synesthesia and it is a scientifically documented occurrence.

When I see the letter "A", it appears red in my mind's eye. Same with the month of August or the time of 9:00. When I see my daughter Harmony, she has a sort of golden-honey aura around her, an innate color that I associate with her being. When I hear a song on the radio or played live, it will have a glow of colors that radiate through my vision. The strongest colors I see are for letters/words or music. Most of the time I know that the colors are simply in my mind; other times the colors actually appear to be out in my surroundings. Just as if you see a flower and you can automatically smell it when you bring it to your nose, when I hear music, I see colors, too.

The entire world radiates color.

I didn't know that synesthesia was something that not everybody had until I was eighteen. I was sitting in a music class at my university as we studied seventh chords. The teacher would play diminished, dominant, major, or minor seventh chords on the piano and ask the class to tell him which one in particular it was. I was simply looking at the shade of blue each chord had, so it was easy to tell them apart. When I mentioned that to everyone, they looked at me like I was CRAZY. "Doesn't everyone just look at the different colors each chord has....?" I asked. They told me that people don't see colors with music, and that I must be making it up or be on drugs. My mind was completely blown! I immediately went to research what could possibly be wrong with me.

That's when I found out about synesthesia.

Nobody really knows how many people have synesthesia, or what percentage of the population has it. Scientific estimates guess that around 5-10% of people may have it, but there's no definite number. I know a handful of people who are synesthetes:

~ Several of my college friends (all musicians) had strong versions of synesthesia. A few other guitarists or artists I know have mild forms of synesthesia that they acknowledge but that do not have a significant impact in their lives. Several musicians I know who are professionals in their fields have very powerful forms of synesthesia that they actively utilize in their art. One of the contested theories about synesthetes is that those with synesthesia are more likely to be involved with the creative and fine arts, due to the high cross-sensory connections they have.

~ One of my friends, a fellow mother, sees numbers and objects as having gender and personalities, but it doesn't affect her everyday life too much, she says.

~ Three young people at my church have synesthesia, two of them extremely strongly where it affects them almost negatively as they deal with sensory overload, similar to what I had to learn how to overcome as a child, too. It was very overwhelming when I was younger to have so much stimulus all the time coming in through my senses!

~ Two of my guitar students have synesthesia. One doesn't notice it much, and describes it as not interfering with his everyday life. The other has strong synesthetic experiences with music which we are currently learning how to use in a positive way in his musical development.

Otherwise, in the wide circles of acquaintances and friends I have, nobody else to my knowledge has it. That could always change, though. Oftentimes a child may not know that they have synesthesia because they think that everyone has the same experiences they do (like I did). Parents often think that children are making it up or simply pretending that letters have color or personality, for example. Or a person may experience bullying or opposition for being "different", so they might hide their synesthesia.

I wish someone had been around to help me learn how to deal with my synesthesia when I was a kid! Eventually I learned to work through the sensory overload, and even figured out how to use certain aspects to my advantage. For example, I learned how to speed-read by skimming the colors of words rather than reading individual words. This would have been easier if I'd known about synesthesia in the first place. But if you've never heard of it, then you can't understand it.

That's why I want to continue to tell everyone I know about synesthesia. 

I would encourage any parent or teacher to keep a look-out for children who may show signs of having synesthesia. It isn't a good idea to formally "test" children beyond asking them questions, but if you are an adult or teen who would like more clarification or information about your synesthesia, then there are tests available online for free. For older children, I would recommend the book "A Mango-Shaped Space", which talks about a young teen discovering her synesthesia and learning how to cope with it.

Are there disadvantages to having synesthesia? Yes and no. It's like asking, "are there disadvantages to having the sense of taste". Yeah, when you taste something bad! But it's just another sense. Sometimes it's annoying, sometimes it's awesome, but it's just something you live with and learn to deal with and use to certain extents. When I am at a concert with loud music, sometimes the visual colors are so crazy that I am completely overwhelmed; in a similar case, I can't listen to certain kinds of music while I'm driving because the synesthetic responses to the music are so intense that it distracts me too much from driving. Here is a very helpful article about ten disadvantages to synesthesia that I highly recommend.

People are still people. Synesthesia isn't a super-power. It doesn't make a person any more "special" than someone without synesthesia. But it does make them perceive the world a little differently. And it is kinda cool :-)

If you'd like more information about synesthesia, here is the Wikipedia article about it. You can also visit this website, see Pharrell Williams speaking about his synesthesia, check out the website of the American Synesthesia Association, and see a list of historical figures who had synesthesia.

Please help spread the word about synesthesia! Do you know anyone with it? Are you a synesthete?

{Inspired by Write Alm's January prompt, COLOR}

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Time Does Not Stop For Love

She grows out of her shoes

then out of diapers

then out of the sweaters I knit

before she was even born.

"I'm a big girl now, mama,"

she tells me.

Time does not stop for love.

His song, one of his own compositions, springs tears to my eyes
as he gently sings over his guitar.
He will leave for good this summer.
I still see him as eleven,
not this tall, confident young man.
Time does not stop for love.


My friend and I sit across the table
as I listen to stories of university life,
tales that echo my own past
as a guitarist in college,
when music and late nights
and deep conversations
were all I needed.
Time does not stop for love.


We approach the five year mark.
Some things don't change:
he still hates soup and tea,
I still can't remember our anniversary date,
he still drinks more Mountain Dew than I think is necessary,
I still insist on listening to "that horrible pop music" on the radio.
We hold hands on our walk
as if it was only yesterday
that we were strolling across the campus together
on our way to music history.
Yet we discover new things about each other
every year
that make us love
all the deeper.
It is good to have him by my side.
Time does not stop for love.

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Giveaway: Free Books!

As a celebration of writing three hundred posts here, I'm going to give away some of my favorite books, because words and story mean everything to me. They're from my own collection and are beautifully worn from years of loving. There's nothing to compare to the smell and feel of a real paper book. I want to share these beauties with you!

I also brought back up one of the other pages of my blog, where I've posted the list of all the books that I've read so far in 2014. I keep updating it as I read more; I think I missed one or two books that got lost in the mix, but most of the titles should be there! Books are one of my favorite things in the world.

Leave a comment on my blog telling me which TWO books you'd be interested in reading. I'll close comments and choose one random winner (or two, depending on how many people respond) on Friday, October 17th. 

An incredible non-fiction work about what children need in order to succeed, both in school and with their caregivers. A must for any parent or teacher to read. I go through this book and its companion, "How Children Learn", every year! 

One of my favorite books of poetry by my favorite poet. We read his poetry in a college class and I've loved it ever since. They give a new way of looking at common life. 

One of my favorite classic novels. I am not a fan of romance, but this kind of old-fashioned love story that builds deeply on character is great.

Technically, this is a children's book. In actuality, I still enjoy reading it as an adult. Nesbit reminds me that there is magic in the world that can come right down to surprise us if we're willing to look up and see it! My mother first read these stories out loud to my sister and I when we were in elementary school, and I can't WAIT to read it out loud to my daughter in a few years! 

So there you have it. Let me know which ones you would like to read!

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Haiku for Two and Nature

Lying on the grass

in silence we looked at stars;

you reached for my hand.

~~~~~~~~~~

Clouds below; above,
blue sky: our breath together
making window mist.

~~~~~~~~~~

Sun burns your bowed head.
How salty these hot tears taste,
dripping on my arms.

~~~~~~~~~~

His anger ripples
to me like thunder after
lightning. The storm grows.

~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel at home here."
Your joy: sky-rimmed fields. But I'm
in love with mountains.

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The Most Powerful Thing in the World

Words are powerful.

For me, words are the most powerful of all things.

The name of God that has resonated brightest in my soul is "Maker". He is the Creator, the Giver, the Singer of Life. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."

Written word is how I relate to others best, but spoken word has a dear place too.

Part of it is most likely due to my synesthesia, which makes every letter, every word, every sentence, every paragraph, glow like a jewel, each one individual with splashes of color. 

Part of it is that words make stories. And story is what I love: the stories of others, the stories that make me, the stories I hear, the stories I see. When I tell someone about something real that has happened, I try very hard to keep it to the absolute truth of the events that occurred. But once they enter my mind, experiences are transformed into memory, and the memory glows brighter; truth becomes molded into something new, no longer the strict report of an occurrence, but a Narrative of Being, a Tale of Life, a Story. 

Books upon books of stories are within each of us. Stories of triumphs and tragedy, sorrow and joy. Stories that we never share with anyone. Stories of our parents and grandparents. Stories that have emerged from the experiences of our lives. Stories that have shaped our image of who we are and who we will become. 

Some of these stories are helpful - they inspire us and remind us of who we really are.

Some of our stories are hurtful - we cling to them and they cause us a lot of suffering. 

~ Lisa McCrohan

Whether we pick up a New York Time's bestseller, or a classic from our grandfather's library, or a novella from a friend, or a tattered copy of our favorite work of fiction, or a biography of someone else's existence, we are constantly seeking stories. We love true stories and we pine for the realms of fantasy. We sit around the campfire to whisper ghost stories. We sit in chairs around cups of coffee or tea, sharing our stories. We hear of others' stories, as they describe what life is like when you are born on a commune, or tell the strange tale of the last true hermit.

"The book was in her lap; she had read no further. The power to change one’s life comes from a paragraph, a lone remark. The lines that penetrate us are slender, like the flukes that live in river water and enter the bodies of swimmers. She was excited, filled with strength. The polished sentences had arrived, it seemed, like so many other things, at just the right time. How can we imagine what our lives should be without the illumination of the lives of others?"

~ James Salter, Light Years

What is at the root of Story? 

Love.

Whether it shows the Love inherent in the universe, or the love shared in a family, or the Eros kindled between two people, or the lack of love which destroys hearts and men, or the desperate desire for love that we all have, Story is about Love. 

And stories, whether they are told to others or kept in the secret treasure vaults of our own hearts, are what make and keep us human, remind us that we are all connected, link us with our past and our future, and draw us closer to Love as it speaks to us in whispers of divine mystery.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her dress flew into the room before she did. Airy cream-colored fabric with thin brown stripes wafted around the corner of the doorframe as she paused to laugh with someone in the hallway. Jess blinked as the woman bounded into the room. Green diamonds on the front of the dress were complimented by the woman's dancing silver necklace; her sandy blonde hair hung in wisps where it had escaped two short braids. Only a few of the other teachers seemed to take much notice of her, so Jess figured that her bold appearances were typical here. 

Jess fumbled with her notepad and pen, trying to sneak another look at the woman, yet not wanting to seem rude. Bright red glasses matched her lipstick. Faded shoes were kicked off to rest beside the door. Nothing about her could be identified as "beautiful", or even "young", but she caught the eye in a way that spoke of attractiveness, or perhaps an aura of intense life that magically drew the world around her.

She loudly pulled a chair over to the group of teachers already sitting in a circle. "Well!" her cheerful voice matched her wide smile. "What have we already talked about? Did I miss anything?" Another teacher turned to her with a patience resembling long-suffering fortitude. "How kind of you to join us, Naomi," he said dryly, yet Jess thought she could detect a subtle twinkle. 

Naomi beamed at the gathering. "Hi there! Don't mind me. Always rushing about, but I'm glad to finally be here! Go on," she urged. As the teacher's meeting progressed, it became apparent that Naomi was a highly qualified teacher. However, it also was clear that she had little use for anything that she felt was not directly relevant to her particular teaching approach. 

Jess watched out of the corner of eye over the next forty-five minutes as Naomi shifted restlessly in her chair, then pulled out a laptop to begin taking notes, lost interest, filed her nails, then very obviously began surfing online out of boredom. But, as Jess noticed, Naomi was clearly keeping an ear out for important subjects, because she would often look up sharply, pay attention for a minute, and call out to join the conversation. Everyone always listened when Naomi spoke, whether because they felt that her contributions were helpful or because she had such a commanding way of talking that they found it impossible to not pay attention to her. Once she even answered a question quite cheekily with a joke, grinned at the ensuing laughter, and winked at Jess. 

In between taking notes notes during the meeting, Jess found space to wonder about this woman, how she was so carelessly confident, so easy-going. The way she dressed showed that she had a fashion entirely enjoyed and created by herself. The very way she sat showed that she was completely comfortable in her own skin. Yet she didn't flaunt her uniqueness. She simply glowed with her own light, the light of a soul so radiantly itself that it couldn't help but shine out of sheer glory of being alive. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Earth’s crammed with heaven

And every common bush afire with God:

But only he who sees, takes off his shoes,

The rest sit round it, and pluck blackberries.

Not one day, in the artist’s ecstasy,

But every day, feast, fast, or working-day,

The spiritual significance burn through

The hieroglyphic of material shows,

Henceforward he would paint the globe with wings,

And reverence fish and fowl, the bull, the tree,

And even his very body as a man.

~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fio ran into Able as he suddenly stopped and turned to face her. He caught her hands in his, staring at her intently. “Look, Aiofe. I already let you go twice before, when you decided to leave, and then when I thought you had died."

Fio tried to reassure him. "But this time I'm not going to be gone for good! Now it's either the capitol to work under Dr. Emeth while I try to get some answers, or I'll be joining Realis..."

Able interrupted her roughly. "You're leaving again, going straight into danger. That's what I hear. So matter what you do, I am just going to have to deal with it. Both of those choices are bad." 

“Do you even know why I'm considering joining Realis?” 

Able dropped her hands and sighed. “Everyone has the same reasons: fighting for justice, fighting for freedom, fighting for a new place to build a future.” He began to walk through the trees again. “They're all the same, Aiofe. 'This is worth dying for'! And then they do die, and who benefits? Nobody. While the provincial government continues to be in power, they'll keep their stranglehold on all goods and weapons and armed forces, making it impossible for any change to happen! Every single attempt Realis has ever made to take power has been stopped immediately. They can't get a step ahead to gain the upper hand, that's the truth of it.”

“Oh, come off your soap-box," Fio exclaimed. "Maybe this is what they need me for. They told me that my father and I had been part of their biggest attempt to get an advantage. What if the abilities that I used to have DO come back? What if I'm what they need to succeed?” 

Able snorted. “There you go, just like old times, trying to make it seem like you're the savior of the world. I thought you were arrogant back then. Maybe you are exactly what they need: another wannabe superhero who will throw yourself into the fray and try to rescue us all!”

“Fine!” she shouted, stung by his mocking tone. “I've only got two bad options: either I end up dead on a mission or dissected like a lab rat! If you're so selfish that you'd rather stay out here for the rest of your life, then go ahead. I'm going to try to find some kind of meaning for why I'm still alive!” She headed back the way they had come through the trees, trying hard to blink away tears that she did not want Able to see.

His footsteps came crunching through the leaves after her. “Wait, Fio... Aiofe.” She refused to look at him, keeping her eyes fixed ahead. “You're not stupid for wanting to help. I'm sorry for snapping at you. It's just... hard to admit that there's nothing more that we... that anybody... can do to fix what's wrong with our world. Believe me, I tried. Why do you think I joined Realis? Even after I knew the truth about my parents' deaths, I still wanted to do something to help the cause of freedom. I was younger then...” 

“You still are young now,” Fio shot back. 

“... and I was a lot more naïve,” he continued. “It wasn't until I discovered that the so-called 'advantages' that Realis claimed it had to gain the upper ground over Caname were false that I made the final decision to leave both Realis and Caname behind. Working for Caname as an engineer would have meant that I would be living in a lie I couldn't trust. Working for Realis would be futile; there was no point in throwing my life away with them."

"But you didn't KNOW that," Fio said. 

"That's just the logical conclusion!"

"Sometimes you have to go with what you know is right, rather than what you think is best!"

"It would be stupid to volunteer for something that would get me killed!"

"Oh, so you'd rather be a live nobody than a dead hero! Good luck, then, you'll do a great job hiding out from civilization in the middle of a forest, only worried about your own safety!"

Fio's barb hit home. Able appeared stunned for a moment, then his face evened into the expressionless look that she was used to seeing. He turned away. Before she could open her mouth to say anything else, he had disappeared into the forest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think certain sorts of stories bring you into their experience, make you feel like you’ve fallen into their world and sometimes there’s an almost palpable sensation when you finish those sorts of stories, like you’re coming up for air. And I do think there’s something about fiction that’s about intensity and shared experience, and that’s tied, finally, to a willingness on the part of the reader to be generous, to share in the risk, if that makes any sense. I am asking readers to go through intensive experiences in my fiction, and I can’t ask, in good conscience, for them to do that unless they feel that I’ve got something at stake as well, something real. A great many of the stories that fail for me don’t fail because of technical imperfections but because there’s something numinous that just isn’t quite there, some sense that not enough is at stake.

~ Brian Evenson

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Haiku for Your Silence

 

I have these moments

where I find that I love you

just the way you are.

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Heart Strings

When I write poetry
in the future,
I can imagine what the perfect
scenario will be: early morning
when the mist lies
on the slumbering grass
and you still in bed
(it must be the weekend)
hiding your face from the rising
sun but also peeking out
from under the sheets,
watching me sit at the computer,
a mug of steaming tea at my elbow,
maybe a little music, the Seventeen
Lyrics of Li Po, playing.
Then I will offer
to make you eggs for breakfast
but you, like the gentleman
you are, will decline and say
"Maybe when you are
done writing."


Weaving words along with everyone else inspired by Write Alm's September Prompt-a-day.

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National Read-a-Book Day!

In honor of national "Read-a-book" day, here is what I'm jumping into over the next few weeks! 

~ The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. THANK YOU to Alice N. for dropping her lovely hardback copy off at my home so I didn't have to be 35th in line to read it at the library! 

~ The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Prisoners Dilemma, and The Extraordinary Education of Nicholas Benedict by Trenton Lee Stewart. I was enthralled by the first book in this series because of the awesome characters, the story, and the subtle messages on education! They're more for older kids, but you're never too old to read a good book : )

~ Thursday's Child by Noel Streatfeild. I've read all her "Shoes" books, ever since I was very young, but had never seen this one before, so of course I have to have it.

~ A Thousand Mornings by Mary Oliver. She writes such thoughtful poetry, and I like the way she accepts the inevitable questions of life without feeling like there always needs to be an immediate answer.

~ The Apple That Astonished Paris by Billy Collins. My favorite poet of all time! I read his works periodically over again just because they're so good. He creates "real toads in imaginary gardens", as Marianne Moore writes.

~ The Incredulity of Father Brown by G.K. Chesterton. One of my top five favorite authors wrote another set of short stories that I'd not read yet about my favorite detective (nope, not Sherlock!), and they are just as good as I'd hoped they'd be.

There we have it! I'm also finishing up a book on education by John Holt called How Children Fail and have started its partner called How Children Learn, and I've been slowly swimming through a book of essays by C.S. Lewis, so right now there are six different books lying around the house with bookmarks in them, just for me. That way I can always snatch a few minutes with a book whenever I get a chance and no matter what kind of reading-material-mood I'm in  ; )  

What are you reading? Happy read-a-book day!

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To Love Is...

You said that I am like the ending
of Debussy's Homage á Rameau.
I say, "Perhaps I am."
For me, you are Beethoven's 7th Symphony,
but only the theme of the Allegretto movement,
two melodies interweaving and both
separate from each other yet mingled like
a drop of water and oil.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You will not find peace in love.
There are heavy bags to haul
up and down the platform, slow
train whistle calling you out
before you're ready or willing to go.

You will not find peace in love.
All it takes is one little look,
an arrow that you can't evade,
the bolt of lightning from his eyes,
and all your world's unmade.

You will not find peace in love.
She hands you a bouquet of flowers
with a smile on her face;
you turn to thank the band, then back
find only stems wilted in your vase.

You will not find peace in love.
No rest for the happy or the tired.
Can't stand still in the middle of a chase;
when one of you is starting fires,
the other might just want some grace.

You will not find peace in love.
Right when you've got the strokes down,
the tide turns the other way,
but you've got to keep swimming
through evening and morning, night and day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To meditate on the divine is bliss,
rich food to satiate a hungry soul.
But busyness will often make us miss
that quiet time which best makes the heart whole.
Too often we despair of growing close
to Him who is our life, our help, our love;
the tasks abound, to-do list overflows,
our minds too weary for thoughts of Above.
 Yet moments of silence throughout the the day
or brief pauses in morning, or at night,
are pools of peace to re-focus, to pray,
to remember how to look for the Light.
The secret to living life at its best
is to trust that Love will be our rest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I stare, you look away and ask "what?"
When I stare, you look away and ask "what?"
Tickle my feet until I shriek.
Tickle my feet until I shriek.
Shriek, and I tickle you. My feet. What look?
Ask, "until when"? I stare away.

Your brother's smile beautiful on your face.
Your brother's smile beautiful on your face.
Voice lilts, love, a little bird always singing.
Voice lilts, love, a little bird always singing.
Little face, your beautiful love. Smile lilts. Voice singing.
Your brother's a bird: always on.

Mind colors flutter, never still, yet you think and see all clear.
Mind colors flutter, never still, yet you think and see all clear.
Dark eyes of glory face the world, a half-way grin.
Dark eyes of glory face the world, a half-way grin.
Flutter, world. Mind you think! Glory never half-way still,
a grin and face dark yet clear. See the eyes of all colors.

You all tickle my world. See, stare,
yet the colors never clear away.
When you smile, singing lilts, a flutter feet glory grin.
Face always on, face dark until I half-way shriek... look.
Think, still. And what?
I love your brother's eyes, a little bird voice, and the beautiful mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"And yet, because thou overcomest so,
Because thou art more noble and like a king,
Thou canst prevail against my fears..."
~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Sonnets from the Portuguese

If I am to love a man,
let him be the sort of being
for whom common men will never take notice
because he is the humble figure
doing the lowest work that is left undone.
Let him be such a man
as desires with his whole heart
to love, not me first,
but Him who created me, and not only
because I was created, but
for the reason of undying love
that is not a duty but an honor.
Thou art that man, my Beloved,
and thou lovest me with such constancy
that my quaking heart is free to set sail
with thy bright star as guide.





Poems: Selection from Star with a Red Couch, You Will Not Find Peace in Love, Looking for Light, Paradelle, and The Beginning of Story II.

Weaving words along with everyone else inspired by Write Alm's September Prompt-a-Day.

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Liebster Award

Last year, one of the other blogs I write was nominated for the Liebster Award, and this year another fellow mama-musician blogger has nominated this blog for the same. Awesome! Thank you, Selwa, for the nomination : ) The idea behind the Liebster is to build the blogging community up by helping people become noticed by a bigger audience.

In accordance with the rules of the award, I'm following these steps:

1. Reading the answers of the questions written by the blogger who nominated me.

2. Nominating eleven different bloggers who have less than five hundred followers.

3. Writing a post here featuring the Liebster Award and answering the questions given by the blogger who nominated me.

4. Letting the bloggers I've nominated know that they deserve the Liebster.

So here are my answers to the questions give by Selwa!

1. Why did you start blogging?   It was back in 2007 when I was in college and had a LOT to say. Twenty year-olds are quite opinionated ; )  Don't worry, the vast majority of all my youthful ramblings have been either deleted or moved elsewhere! But the habit of sharing my thoughts stuck, although over the years my motivation to blog has changed. 

2. What motivates you to continue blogging on a regular basis?   These days my blog is used to document my life for my own benefit and for family members to see, and also as a place to work through the mysterious or hard places in life. Writing is the way I process everything. 

3. What's your favorite post that you've written? A Christmas Miracle: Finding Jane

4. Favorite color?   This changes based on the day, based on the season, based on my mood! My current-at-the-moment synesthetic responses also affect it. I just love color!

5. Of the blogs you follow, what are your top three favorites?   the habit of being, soule mama, and journey mama.

6. What other blogs have you written for besides your own?   I currently write at two other blogs, although one of them has been sadly neglected for a while. Life is the Teacher is my place to explore education and my role as a teacher and home-schooling mother, while Unwrapping Love is where my friend Heather and I are documenting our journey into gratitude by listing one thousand blessings we are thankful for. I've also thought about creating a secret blog one day, where I could freely write anything I chose under a different name... we'll see if that ever happens!

7. What interests do you have, other than blogging?   That would be a toss-up between reading and music and knitting and nature, as far as my personal hobbies go! Then of course I love being with my family, hanging out with friends, cooking good food without having to clean up afterwards, snuggling, and thrift store shopping.

8. What is your number one goal as a blogger?   To explore who I am and hopefully speak truth into my own life and into other's lives and to love the mystery of our existence! Oh, that was three goals...

9. What's the top item on your bucket list?   To go back to Europe, and hopefully see my friends from Germany again, one day! I think I left a little piece of my heart in tiny Bad Nauheim.

10. Who is your biggest inspiration?   There are different people who inspire me in different areas of life. My friend Nicole inspires me with her knitting projects and vivacious, unafraid way of playing with yarn. My friend Heather inspires me as a thoughtful person, with her conversations and her writing. My friend Alec inspires me with his tenacity and musicality as a guitarist. My mom inspires me to be the best mother I can be. My husband Chris inspires me with his calm, laid-back manner. My childhood guitar teacher, Kelli, and my college guitar teacher, John, inspire me to be the best teacher for my students. There are so many inspiring folks out there!

11. What's your favorite topic to blog about?   There's no favorite. I like writing about everything! 


Okay, here are the eleven people I'm nominating for the Liebster Award:

the habit of being

Rachel at Clean

Under the Big Blue Sky

Poco Mountain Girl

Fourwood Thinking

Peace, Love, and Spit-up: Life Written Down

PJ, Your Friend

student in heels

mighty violet

becoming claudine

milagro girl

These are the questions I'd love to see answered by those I've nominated:

1. If you could suddenly jump up right now and go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

2. Name three people who inspire you, and why!

3. What book(s) are currently on your bedside table?

4. When was the last time a stranger made you smile, and why?

5. Do you have a calendar, a day planner, a smartphone, sticky notes, a to-do list? How do you plan and keep track of life?

6. How would you describe your fashion style?

7. If someone could magically bring you whatever food you're currently craving, what would it be?

8. What do you think of when you look up at the stars?

9. Name a song that is speaking straight to your soul these days.

10. Do you still have any of your childhood toys?

11. Are there any subjects that you don't like to blog about? Why?

Thank you again to Selwa for nominating me for this award! I look forward to seeing more lovely bloggers pass on the joy.

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Life is the Teacher

All right, ya'll... even though I've been more silent on this blog, more plans are brewing with my blog about education, Life is the Teacher. If you're interested in checking it out, please also like the new Facebook page I've created for it! On Facebook I'll be posting links of articles about education, fostering discussions, asking questions, sharing quotes, and spreading the word about alternative education methods. Hope you'll join!

This is what I hope to do as I study education!

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Griffin and Sabine

Several years ago my good friend Heather asked me if I'd heard of a trilogy of books about two characters called Griffin and Sabine. I had never seen them before, but was instantly intrigued as I began to research them online. They seemed to be surrounded by an air of mystery. Are they art? Are they letters? What does the symbolism mean? And most of all... what happened at the end of the story? 

Shortly afterwards, while visiting Heather in Arkansas, I found the trilogy in a used-book store. It took me an hour to devour my way through the beautiful pages. I can easily say that the combined works make one of the most incredible, complex, imaginative stories I've ever known. It is a romance, a mystery, an exploration of love, a melding of nature's opposites, a fantasy world, a travel through history, an exploration of dreams, a hint of alchemy and Yeats, and a search for what it means to be complete. The words in the books flow like honey, creating the invisible characters of Griffin and Sabine through the course of their developing relationship in postcards, letters, dreams, symbols, imagery, and visions. 

The ending is deliberately open-ended. There are several tiny but very important details that affect how the reader might interpret the finale. As an optimist who finds connections and meaning in everything, I found satisfaction and a positive end to Griffin and Sabine's quest for each other. Someone who views the world through a darker lens may end up feeling confusion, uncertainty, or even dissatisfaction with the end. I believe that each person's individual interpretation of the fate of these two characters says something about the way they process reality. Is the glass half empty or half full? 

Then I found that an entire second trilogy had been written as a sequel to the first! The story was just as intricately beautiful, the characters equally complex as before. Many of my questions about the first trilogy were answered in the most satisfyingly fantastic way, yet I was still left with the air of mystery that first made me interested in Griffin and Sabine at the very beginning. 

Even more than reveling in the story itself, these books continue to help me come to terms with the fact  that I Cannot Explain Everything in Life. This is a big one for me. I like to know Things. I like to feel secure in having the Answers. Yet there are situations and circumstances that I've seen and experienced which I can't explain. There are personal stories here that I'm not ready to share, but briefly, let me say that "truth is indeed stranger than fiction". Some things are black and white. Others.... I'm not sure. For me, the practice of sitting patiently with mystery is aided by the engagement of the imagination. 

I came away from the six-book-long tale with a renewed sense of the absolute wonder of the world. Life is more colorful day by day, if we can only see the magic everywhere, in the mundane and the mysterious. Love is possible... more than possible, it is the only way to salvation and redemption and wholeness. The eternal balance of good and evil, dark and light, yin and yang, male and female, sea and land, fire and water, death and life... all these things are part of the Great Story. 

...I dropped a monstrous conch on my foot. I howled with pain, and a tree ahead of us exploded with blue and yellow macaws. My father, who could see that I didn't know whether to attend to my toe or the feathered fireworks, laughed and whispered, "Pain and beauty, our constant bedfellows." Young as I was, I understood. ~ Sabine

...my feet took me to Paolo Uccello's 'George and the Dragon'. Do you know it? I'd been standing in front of it for a while, my mind like a vacuum, when I had one of those moments of profoundly shocking insight. There was my life laid out before me: I charge around on a toy white horse, lance in hand, wearing funny shining armor that wouldn't protect me from a cigarette lighter, let alone a dragon's breath. I attack these pet dragons, in order to release beautiful maidens who will, I assume, reward me. They, however, are utterly indifferent. They don't care to be released, and I've been fooling myself with a fake sense of purpose. Like George, my back is turned to an infinite sky filled with violent spirals of silver clouds. ~ Griffin

You cannot turn me into a phantom because you are frightened. You do not dismiss a muse at whim. ~ Sabine

I love you unconditionally. Do you hear me, Griffin? Do you see that I cherish you beyond question, that you have nothing to prove to me? You are making your journey to secure yourself. I am already tethered to your side. If you can love yourself as I love you there will be no dislocation- you will be whole. ~ Sabine

Picture from one of the books, copyright Nick Bantock

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Wednesday Wanderings

Here is a varied selection of articles that I've found on my excursions around the web! I hope you enjoy them, or at least find them thought-provoking. Feel free to let me know what you think in the comment section, whether you agree or disagree. Today's links are all about parenting!

Looking for a list of great books to read to 4-7 year old girls that don't make the female characters "say or do unkind things to get the upper hand", where the girls don't have to "stomp on the boys", and where the girls are "looking for something other than romantic love"? Check out these! 

When Chris and I begin home-schooling Harmony, I plan on printing out this list of what a four year-old should know so that I can have a constant reminder of what we're hoping our daughter will learn : )

I am literally writing this list down RIGHT NOW so that I can hang it on my fridge. Definitely something I need to read every day until I can read them written on my heart!

We are under no delusions that everybody who comes across Harmony will automatically love her, especially as she gets older. Conflict happens. Sadly, bullying occurs, even in churches and youth groups and Sunday schools; I've had it happen to me. We want to do all we can to help prepare our daughter to deal with children/teens who treat her badly. Here's one author's wonderful advice for parents on this subject!

Everyone wants to raise a mindful child. Here are eight tips on how to "gently encourage everyday actions that nourish and grow attention, empathy, and self-care". 

If my son (possibly in the future... no, I'm not pregnant) wants to dance, then we will help him dance. The end. 

Many people I know have attitudes that say, "oh, just wait until your kids are teenagers! You'll hate that time because they'll act like they hate you." I even remember one of my uncles asking my mom when I was twelve, "has Lyssa told you that she hates you yet?" When my mom, shocked, said no, then he laughed and said, "it'll happen, you'll see. She's just not a teen yet." I'm thankful to say that even though my mom and I have had our rough spots, I've never, ever hated her or even come close to telling her that! And I've gotta say, I'm really looking forward to my own children becoming teens. Come read about how to prepare for terrific teen years. 

This book "Flora" looks absolutely adorable. I'd love to get it for Harmony for her next birthday! 

(source)

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Wednesday Wanderings: the NaNoWriMo Edition (late)

Whether you want to be a "pantser" or a "planner" this year, the web is full of online links that can be helpful for the aspiring novelist. Yes, that's right: National Novel Writing Month is a few weeks away! October is officially known as the planning stage for those who are interested in getting 50,000 words of a 1st-draft novel down onto paper or screen during the month of November. While you're not supposed to actually begin writing the story itself before November 1st, there is plenty you can do beforehand to help prepare yourself to leap into your novel. Here is a collection of links I am finding helpful!

Want to create a story that will keep readers reading?

Got thirty minutes? Outline the plot of your book!

Got sixty minutes? Outline the plot of your book!

Ask yourself these five questions when figuring out the plot of your story.

How about creating some characters for your story?

How about going completely crazy in-depth developing characters? (Warning: this way can make you a little bonkers, but it's very thorough!)

Ask your characters these forty-six questions to understand and develop who they are.

Ask your characters even MORE questions!

What are fifteen things a writer should never do?

Here's how to create external and internal conflict in your characters.

Want to write a story that will keep your readers completely captivated?

How will you start your novel when November 1st arrives? Here are a few things to keep in mind.

Here are some helpful ideas about writing real dialogue, not stuff that sounds like a robot is talking to Miss Manners.

We all want to write the next Les Miserables. Here are some ways you can make that happen!

Got writer's block? Follow this road map to get out of it and dive back in to your story!

Here is a bunch of reassuring, encouraging advice/tips from famous authors about writing a first draft of a story. Totally awesome.

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