Looking Ahead to 2014 and My One Word

Daily prompt #30: looking ahead

If I've discovered anything about myself this year, it's that I am way more organized and able to follow through with goals if I write them down, figure out the steps needed to accomplish them, involve others, and set specific times to do specific steps.

A lot of ideas came into fruition in 2013 because of this: a fundraising concert on my birthday for Compassion International, a novel written during National Novel Writing Month, letters sent all around the United States to friends, family and strangers, more mandolin playing, poetry published for the first time, daily writing habits established, health back on track, apartment organized and re-organized, and half of my 1,000 gifts list completed.

This isn't an I'm-so-good victory list: it's a sigh of relief and happiness that I had the support of loved ones and the energy to make my dreams come true! I couldn't have done all these things on my own.

For 2014, here are a few hopeful goals. If they don't all get accomplished, THAT'S OKAY. The world won't end. But it would be great to see these to completion!

~ Finish my novel (it's about 3/4 completed, and I did write 50,000 words, but it needs to have an ending, and I have promised a few people that they could read it)

~ Record a CD (with my family, on all our instruments... this is the crazy, insane, I-must-be-dreaming goal!)

~ Learn how to can food (my mom used to do this with us, so I'd like to make some tomato sauce, applesauce, etc.)

~ Finish memorizing all of Romans 8 (I'm about halfway there)

~ Go to the Botanical Gardens once a week (we were gifted a family pass, so it's free anytime now, woohoo!)

~ Publish more poetry or writing (in a magazine? in a book? who knows)

~ Write letters to the Compassion International child I help sponsor, every other week (I've fallen off the bandwagon badly with this, so it's definitely a priority)

~ Finish out my 1,000 gifts list by my birthday (it's taken me almost a year and a half to write down 500, but I'm intent on finishing this, and then starting a new list on my birthday, Lord willing)

~ Keep a list of all the books I read during the year (hoping this will help me keep track of progress, avoid reading too many of the same genre of book, and keep me motivated to read more)

~ More dates with Chris (once a week, hopefully? at the Botanical Gardens, preferably, since that's one of our favorite places to go)

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Grace was my word for 2013.

It was hard.

I learned how to show Grace to others, myself, and my family. I learned that if we do not give Grace to others, we cannot accept it for ourselves. I learned that if I do not believe in Grace for myself, then I cannot give it to others. It goes both ways.

It was good.

I feel less guilty, more free. I feel more aware of my twisted nature, yet more grateful for Grace that covers all my sins.

Grace.

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My word for 2014 is Deeper.

I've dipped my toes into a lot of ideas. A lot of projects, a lot of relationships, a lot of space. Now I feel ready to dig in a little. Or a lot. To refine my thoughts into more focus. To deliberately spend more time on specifics instead of generals.

This might look like more time away from this blog. Not sure yet.... it might look like more time writing through my pondering, here or less publicly.

I want to get to know and be comfortable with myself. Lately I've realized that I can categorize a lot of what I say into "Ego". I don't want that. I want to be genuinely Me, without feeling like I have to impress anyone, or stand up for myself against anyone, or pretend like I'm better than anyone. It's silly. And lame. I just want to learn Who I Am and then be able to sit back and Be, not Prove. There can be humility and happiness in Being; there is very little of either in Proving.

I'm also going to spend more energy on certain relationships, certain projects.

Especially God.

The older I get, the more I realize that I don't know exactly what I believe about God.

There are a few things that I do believe for sure. Those things would categorize me under the heading of "Christian".

But I don't truly belong to any denomination, even the denomination of the church I call home.

Maybe someday I'll be more brave to write about some of my wonderings. I have several friends who inspire, encourage, and embolden me to question what I believe while continuing to rest in God's unfailing love. As one of them wrote today, "when you feel safe, feel really safe, then you are not afraid to ask tough questions. [We] have found safety in Father's love. That is a great place to be. Because it is Him not our answers that make us safe."

So I'm going to ask my Father and trust my Father and learn more about Grace from my Father.

I want a Deeper connection with Him.

I want a Deeper connection with my husband.

With my daughter.

With my family.

With my music.

With my friends.

With nature.

With myself.

So here's to a new year, everyone. May 2014 bring renewal, lessons learned, and loving hearts!

Finishing up the daily prompts from December Write Alm! Thank you again, Amanda! Now I'm jumping into exploring my One Word. There will be more posts as I discover what Deeper has in store for me this year. I'd love to know what your One Word is!