Friday, December 28, 2012

Published 5:29 PM by with 0 comment

DPP, Day #28

Trust. Who knew that so many challenges and blessings would be wrapped up in that tiny Word package?

Trust was my Word for 2012. And let me tell you... it permeated every area of my life.

I had to Trust that my students' families really meant it when they said they weren't quitting music lessons because of me. That I wasn't a terrible teacher, but the reason was their own busy schedule, their child's different interests, their teen's entry into high school.

I had to Trust that I would still be a good teacher even after I had to take off almost four months to adjust to life as a mother and recover from an awful illness.

I Trusted my body and intuition to have Harmony at home. No hospital, no OBGYN, no pain medications, no one present except Chris, my mom, and the midwife.

I Trusted my limits when I had to say "no" to people.

I had to Trust that even when I snapped at the ones I love the most they still cared about me.

I have to Trust that I'm doing what Chris and I feel is best for Harmony as we raise her, even when our parenting differs from friends and family around us.

I Trusted that even though I forgot to read my Bible, neglected my study time during hard weeks, fell asleep instead of praying, and worried more about what people thought than about what God thought... that God was still there. And He still knew me, loved me, and forgave.

That's what it really came down to: Trusting God.

As my dear friend Betty says, "do you Trust Him here? Do you Trust Him HERE?"

Every time I timidly answered, "Yes, Lord, I do trust you here. I believe. Please help my unbelief." Then another situation would arise where I'd have to learn more Trust.

The alternative is to Fear.

Plenty of that happened this year. The instant I stopped Trusting, Fear came creeping in, sometimes a tiny niggle of Fear, sometimes huge waves of I'm-drowning Fear, burying my rational thoughts and hindering everything I did. It was awful. But no matter how much I Feared, it didn't help anything. Worry only made things worse.

So Fear isn't just the opposite of Trust, it's what happens if I DON'T Trust.

Do I Trust God here?

Even when I don't feel in control of anything, or scary things happen, Fear doesn't have to be where I end up. I'd rather turn to Trust.

You've served me well, Word of 2012. Thank you, Lord, for bringing Trust into my life at a time when I really needed it. I'm even thankful for the hard times when I fell prey to Fear, because it showed me how much better is it when I Trust You.